Lately. or "A Collection of Random Photos for My One Follower".

This is what I was doing at school (taking photos of fruit)... So I left.

There has been a haircut or two...

and a room makeover...

(Still a work in progress...)

                                                                      There was work...

                                                                  

                                                       And there was play (not too unlike work)

                                      And love gave birth to more love in the form of Henry the pup.

But Gracie's still my number one.

                                                                     (Look at that face!)

                                       
                                                              And there was more work...

                                    There are moments like these that are most certainly not "work".

                                                             It feels more like a calling.

                                                                             Pure Joy.

                                                 

                                 I've been taking far less photos of myself, and that really pleases me.

I've squeezed in some "auntie" time with Z...

And all this working has had its perks (see: Jcrew headband, Ralph Lauren shades, Gap sweater, Jcrew tank)

buzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzzz

Words fall flat. If this were the movies. We would cry and bare our souls. And it would hurt. But we would have a chance to heal.
But its not the movies. Or one of my “silly shows”. This is the hive. Home of the w.a.s.p.. And we don’t speak here, we “buzzzzzzzzz”.

Let Me Swim

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."


So Einstein really was a genius! ;)


Its so reassuring to find validation in another’s words. Like my feelings have even more credit now that I hear that its not just me. It seems the solution comes from the same place the problem did: caring what other people think. We like to think that it doesn't really matter. That we're more evolved. That we're stronger or better than that. But we are social creatures. Even those of us that the world have labeled "antisocial", (completely inaccurate, totally misplaced, and even offensive label by the way).


We all crave acceptance. We all want to belong somewhere. We all want a little sign every once in awhile that someone understands. That someone can relate to what you're feeling/experiencing. And that is not weak. That is human.

I moved out of my dorm Saturday. And I withdrew from my classes. And the moment I made the decision to do so, I was sure that it was the right one for me. When asked directly, I'm going to fumble for the words to form an explanation. And yes, sure as I am, I still feel the need to make an explanation (damn you, social nature). To some people its going to sound like I have no clue what I'm doing, or why I did what I did. But there are such few moments in life that you can make a choice with such clarity and certainty that you are making the right one. And this was one. And it feels right, not because its less work for me.


But because I know I'm not meant to climb trees. I'm meant to swim. And I'm surrounded by a lot of tree climbing monkeys. And a lot of creatures that think they are tree climbing monkeys. And a lot of fish, in various stages of aquatic mastery.


When you are little, before the outside world has got a good strong grasp on you, you are whoever you are, uncensored and unaltered. If you are a fish, you swim. You eat algae, and enjoy the buoyancy of the water, and your body moves with all the grace that nature intended.


At some point, I'm not sure of the exact moment, I accepted the theory that I was a monkey. I've tried real hard to climb trees. And I've struggled. Every so often a well intentioned monkey would give me a boost, and I'd find myself high above the ground, surrounded by beautiful tree climbing monkeys. But one wrong move, one clumsy fish move, and I would fall from the branches. And I would feel stupid.


There were points in time when I was tired of trying to climb, where I was sure I would never ever get off the ground. I had resigned to a life on the bottom, looking up. I stopped trying. Eventually I found comfort, and even some joy, in the things the ground provided. Those who thought I was made to climb trees, just as I myself did, thought me to be lazy. And I bought into that. I believed I was a lazy, stupid monkey. A monkey that chose not to climb, though that was what she was built for. And when she attempted to, failed miserably. I did not understand that right around the corner was a world underwater.


I've been fighting nature almost all my life. But I now know the truth. I'm a fish. And its time I learned to swim. I'm well on my way, but I'm going to flounder for a bit. The water will feel strange, and I've forgotten how to breathe underwater. Swimming takes effort. It can be every bit as exhausting as climbing trees. But a fish is built for it.


Einstein was right. He wasn’t just right, he was poetic about it. And I now feel a little bad for having formerly written off all scientists/mathematicians as cold standoffish people, unable to comprehend the subtle nuances of the human condition. I was just envious, and hoping that since I obviously fail in your area of expertise that you might be lacking in mine, the art of intuitive insight.

Til next time,

Lainey

Italy. Feast for the eyes, the stomach, and the soul.

I want to go back!!

The Sun Will Come OUT!

I've been such a Grinch lately. The snow here will NOT go away, and mi amigo just told me theres more coming. Snow is fine in theory. I like a little here and there. The light dusting with a 24 hour lifespan is my personal favorite. But I have had no such luck. It just keeps sticking. And accumulating. And hardcore sucking...

So I'm focusing this entry on sunshine, and warmth, and hints of skin. ;)
I'm going to have to rob a bank...

Enjoy!

Sweet Shades


Marc y Marc Jacobs
Metal Aviator Sunglasses
Nordstrom.com
Under $100





Marc by Marc Jacobs
Oversized Sunglasses
Nordstrom.com
Under $100

 

Espadrilles

DV by Dolce Vita
"Toni" Espadrille Sandal
Nordstrom.com
Under $100



Not Too Coy
The "Sophia"
Zappos.com
$105

 

Burberry
Platform Espadrille
Nordstrom.com
Over $400

 

Yves Saint Laurent
"Adadir" Espadrille Wedge Sandal
Nordstrom.com
Over $500



A Hint of Gold

Kate Spade
Hand in Hand Bracelet
Katespade.com
Under $50
($25% of proceeds go to charity)


Dresses (aka I'm a girl, maybe I'll dress like one)


American Apparel
Fine Jersey Racerback Tank Dress
Americanapparel.net
$32

 


Urban Outfitters
Cope linen sundress
Urbanoutfitters.com
$40

 


Charlie Jade
"Dea" Dress
Nordstrom.com
Under $60




Free People
"Circus Lights" dress
Nordstrom.com
Under $80

Gladiator Sandals 

Steve Madden
"Chainge"Sandal
Shoemall.com
Under $70

 
I've got a bottle of this spray waiting for me. It's all the perks of a day at the beach, without sand in your every crevice and sunburn.



John Masters Organics
Sea Mist
Sea salt spray with lavender
Beauty.com
$14


I've been thinking a new season (Spring) may call for a "new" look. Maybe back to blond?



    

Til next time!

      Lainey

Friends with You?

My friend Flea* and I were talking recently (well texting to be accurate), about love and loss
and trying to be friends with an ex. There's a minor hiccup to mine and Flea's friendship, where I'm not quite sure how much I should burden him with details of my own situation. But I'm hoping he understands how very familiar I am with this heartbreak. Here's a little of my half of the conversation.

"I think the rest of the world has us fooled into thinking that we mourn a little too long and care a little too much. And its hard to find anyone going through the same thing that is showing on the outside what we ourselves are feeling on the inside. So we follow suit and hide it too.

I dont think that the rest of the population doesn't feel the pain. Unless they dont have heart. Some people bury it deeper than others. Some distract themselves so successfully that they can avoid the feelings (for a while). ... But the pain waits for you. This kind of thing needs to be dealt with."

Today was a particularly challenging day, emotionally. There are certain times in life when opening your mouth and baring your soul will have profound and permanent consequences. You can be convinced that coming clean, and revealing your true feelings, is the honest and decent thing to do. And while you are devastated, emotionally wrecked, utterly heartbroken... you can be sure that you're doing the right thing. And out from your mouth leaps the truth, words you've bitten back for a long time, hoping (against hope) that some extra time would render them unneccessary.

Today I heard the words as they left my mouth. And it was part liberating, and part crushing, and part terrifying, and a number of parts I can't yet pinpoint. And now comes the part that I've never ever been able to deal with. The pain. The loss. The regret. The "what if"s and the "should I have"s. I've got to take my own advice, and the advice of those wiser than myself, and I've got to embrace that pain. I've got to resist building up those walls. And I've got to just allow myself to feel whatever it is I'm going to feel. And then, perhaps most challenging of all, I've got to let it go. Surrender. It's easier said than done. But I'm sure that it is possible.

Til next time,

Lainey

Me, A lifetime ago.

Newb

There is still a bit to figure out. But I'm excited to begin. Pretty soon I'll get this ball rolling and you wont be able to shut me up. I promise. Just wait.